you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
