"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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