my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.