She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
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Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?