I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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