I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
