There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
