I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
