why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
