I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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