they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize