I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
