now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
