I accidentally had phone sex last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
