When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
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Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
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Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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