They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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