the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
