So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I had to cum in my sink.
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