she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
