no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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