So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
