When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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