I cockslap morals
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
