So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i think i have herpe
just one?
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
