I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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