Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
