Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
