There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
