I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you still have your period?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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