I faked an abortion last night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
