So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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