Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
