if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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