I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
