it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
