I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
