i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
there's paper in my vomit.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
