ugly people sure do ruin things
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
