Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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