once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
