if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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