A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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