his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
