so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
