Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
