every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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