Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ketchup is God's man juice
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
