We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
