i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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