You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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