Small penises have feelings too.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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