I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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