what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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