why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
