Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
