Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
