It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
