Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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