don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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