Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
