Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
