Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
