Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
