He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
