so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
