hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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