listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
