I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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