rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
my poor anus
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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