Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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