Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
it's like iHOP with fire
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
