Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
