I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
