this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just want nice things and good sex
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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