Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
