I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
