I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
