I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
