Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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