I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tell her she can't have a vagina
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
