I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
