I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
