Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not