Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
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He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.