dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
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laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...