at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it