Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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