last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
