I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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