She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I wear drunk well.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
